Day 1

It's the first day of the semester, 0800 hours, and I'm out of bed. I saunter over to the coffee pot. One omelette and 2 cups of joe later, I'm ready. I mosey on over to the computer, but only after watching "Sportscenter" the allotted one and a half times. Let these other suckers get up early and stress over their classes. This is my 2nd semester of the online thing, and I'm a seasoned veteran. I sit down and start browsing through the syllabus for each class. The aura of invincibility around me is thick. Life is good. I check math. The instructor wishes us good luck on the semester and to contact him if we need anything. I realize there will be little contact. The smirk on my face gains momentum. Next is accounting, and... the daily double! There will be limited communication here as well. The smile on my face is now pushing my cheeks somewhere up near my forehead. As I sit on top of the world, I move on to the English class. Wait... What the... Noooooooo! I give an audible gasp that blows a few papers and all of my hopes of tranquility and solitude onto the floor. She wants us to interact; with other humans. I sit dumbfounded and crushed as I reread and try to comprehend the unholy terror that is unfolding before my eyes. In a state of total shock, the only thing I'm remotely aware of is the vein in my neck bulging out. Gradually my senses return. I pop a few tums and try to massage the throbbing headache that has made a rather sudden appearance. Where's the valum's when you need them? My suspicions have been confirmed. English is not only the worst class, but it is also designed and taught by evil witches that grow more powerful with the suffering of their oppresed subjects. I think to myself, "doesn't she know that's why we choose online, so that we don't have to interact?" Then I realize, of course she knows, that's why she tortures us so. I run through my options, and there's not many. Murder, flight, and fake visas : too costly. Dropping the class: I have to have it. Just shut up and deal with it: never my favorite option, but the one I'm forced to take most of the time. So, begrudgingly, here I am; a man defeated and broken on the first day of class.